Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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