I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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