porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
