Kareoke will never be a sober sport
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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