I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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