the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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