You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
