even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
