She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
