Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
