I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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