I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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