drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
