I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
