tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
