Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
