i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
