I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
someone owes me an orgasm
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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