Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
