This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
