Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
