Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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