Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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