She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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