Porn is love you can see.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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