I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
