bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
