i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
