It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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