How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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