He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
