Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
