Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
