True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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