Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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