I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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