The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
