Plan B is the new Plan A
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
