the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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