I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
