I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
