Joe is yelling at the trees again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
