you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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