You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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