awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
