Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it was like having sex with a tree stump
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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