I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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