Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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