guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my poor anus
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
is it fun? or sober?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
