her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
